the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
