the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
