Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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