So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
