Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Found your dick twin last night
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
