We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
