I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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