How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
