haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
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But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
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No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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