why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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