i just made my gag reflex go away.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
