tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
