There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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