It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The power of my boobs compel you
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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