even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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