Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
