you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
