Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
