I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
