my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
