you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
