Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
