i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize