Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
