i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
