Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
