come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
