If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You took a bar mat shot.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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