how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
