when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Two words: blizzard sex
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
