i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
