You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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