Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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