Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
