ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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