i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
