Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
