Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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