Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
