when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
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the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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