You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
