The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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