That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
