from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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