she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
