Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
