using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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