Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
