I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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