youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
