On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
