his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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