I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
