I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
