the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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