THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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