we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Such a big mess for such a small penis
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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