You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
