i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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