You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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