We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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