That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
