Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
from now on my penis is your penis
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
