yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
