We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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