can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
