I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
