So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
