My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
