hotel room ftw
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
