that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
