Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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